It’s a moment in parenthood that comes for us all: You’re walking the aisles of a Target or a Walmart or a Spirit Halloween, your kid darting back and forth inspecting all the costumes. And then suddenly, you pass their usual section and wind up in that one definitively scary corner. There’s a Ghostface bling mask that comes with a dress and bloody knife, 10 variations of killer clown, the smell of the latex masks is overwhelming and — jump scare — a costume of some abomination with its jaw hanging off. And that’s the one your child comes dragging back to the cart. So, when is it OK to let your kid wear the scary costume?

First, you need to know where you stand on scary costumes before heading to the store. Are you cool with horror stuff in general? Monsters like gory zombies or werewolves? Sure. Killers or dead guys? Maybe that’s where you draw the line. Just give it a little consideration before your kid is presenting you with a costume they’ve latched on to. And if you’re not OK with scary costumes yet, it’s perfectly fine to say no to them upfront.

“It’s important for parents to have a clear understanding of their own values and beliefs and to communicate these to their child in a developmentally appropriate manner,” says Nashedra Barry, PhD, licensed psychologist at the Children’s of Alabama Behavioral Health Outpatient-Ireland Center. “If scary costumes do not align with your family’s values — whether for religious, cultural, or other reasons — it is perfectly reasonable to encourage a more suitable costume or to opt out altogether. The key is to be proactive.”

If you’re mainly worried your child is too young to dress as something scary — is this going to traumatize them or something? — maybe just wait another year or two. One mom on Reddit shared that her 5-year-old spotted a Ghostface costume at the store and bought it for him, but she didn’t like how interested he became in playing with the knife accessory. In the comments, parents were split: Some said it’s fun to pretend to be the bad guy sometimes, while others have issued sweeping “no scary costumes” rules in their families.

Young kids still see the world with “magical thinking,” which Barry explains makes it hard for them to differentiate between make-believe and reality. That tends to start fading around age 10, so your safest bet is to say no to horror costumes before then (though, of course, you could still see scary things in the store or on Halloween night).

“Each child’s ability to tolerate certain costumes or content varies, and parents are often the best equipped to determine what their children can handle. If your child still struggles to distinguish between what is real and what is imaginary, or if they have a history of trauma, it may be best to instead choose funny or cute costumes,” Barry says. But chances are, if your kid is the one asking for the costume, it’s not freaking them out. Let them be a tiny terror if they want.

Ultimately, you’re not a bad mom if you let your kid dress up like Michael Myers, and you’re not a bad mom if you disappoint them by saying no, either. The most important thing is letting your kids enjoy the holiday in a way that’s fun, safe, and “aligned with your family values,” Barry says.

If you’re worried about your kid being deeply affected in some way by dressing up as something scary — or just seeing other scary costumes on Halloween night — fear not. “Try to remember that, regardless of the choice you make, it is unlikely that an otherwise well-adjusted child will suffer any lasting trauma from Halloween festivities,” Barry says. If you’re mainly just worried about what your mother-in-law will think, remind her that countless kids dress up as scary creatures and characters every single year and are perfectly well-adjusted.

So, say yes or say no; there’s no one right answer. It depends on your kid, your beliefs, your penchant for scary things, and exactly what costume your child is actively begging for. Because let’s be real: A vampire with bloody fangs is one thing. A spandex suit of whatever the hell a rake is? Hard pass, kid. The Paw Patrol jumpsuits are that way.