We’ve all heard the phrase “It takes a village!” and it can be infuriating to hear for a myriad of reasons. One main reason why this phrase grates on new parents so much is that we know it’s mainly true, but nearly impossible to attain.

Sometimes, we’re so desperate for help that we enlist the support of our relatives who we may not even have the best relationships with — blurring boundaries and creating more stress for ourselves.

One mom (@nnelly.co on TikTok) wants us all to know that we don’t have to have, what she calls, a blood village. She says that we don’t even need the village, and we’ve proved that time and time again.

“You know it doesn’t really take a village, right?” she says.

“Like, we all understand that at this point, right? That’s just old bitter toxic women trying to force their way into your life telling you it takes a village. It doesn’t. It takes a lot of sacrifice. And if you want a village, just know it doesn’t have to be blood-related.”

She continues to share that when she was a new mom, she thought that she needed to call in reinforcements to help.

“In the beginning, I was under the impression that I was supposed to have a village. So, I just tried to follow what everybody told me was supposed to happen. And those people created more stress than just us raising these children ourselves,” she said.

“Mind you we have three kids, eight, seven, six, all in different sports, school activities, all of that. And it’s easier for us to do it alone than have that blood village come help. Because that blood village comes with stipulations. I would rather not have that blood village, create my own little village of friends that I can rely on to help pick up my kids or watch my kids for a little bit or call in case I need help.”

“Those people are there for you because they care about you. That blood village, the one that uses things against you, tries to control situations because they have watching your kids over your head. F**k that! No thanks.”

She says that she’d choose to spend money on paid childcare over taking favors from family members.

She continued, “I’d rather pay for childcare. I’d rather turn to my friends. The village is not for everyone. I’m pretty sure the village is on its way out. What parenting really takes is sacrifice, a lot of your time and money and energy and love. You don’t need a village. For all of you toxic-ass people in my comments, you old bitches, we don’t need you. It’s a privilege to be part of this world. You should be grateful.”

After her video gained traction, several users commented on the video agreeing with her notion.

“My god this is so real. My in-laws throughout the whole pregnancy said I’d love to help. They have not once asked if we need help or even reached out to see how we are doing,” one user said.

Another wrote, “I agree. My family would help me and then talk shit about me behind my back. So I’d rather just do the parenting on my own and my kids are much happier.”

One user echoed, “And sometimes your village consists of only you and your spouse. And you somehow find a way to always make things work out with nobody else to rely on.”