Family life isn’t for everyone… and that’s something, perhaps, more of us should accept before we go ahead and choose it. At least that’s what TikTok user @BooksBeWild wants us to think about.

The account recently shared a clip from content creator Janie Ippolito, who posts “relatable married life” content with her husband, Dave as @daveandjanie. In it, Janie filmed as her husband related their upcoming trip to the pumpkin patch. At least one of their children was present as he can be seen briefly in his carseat.

“Am I excited to go to the pumpkin patch? Oh Jane. I’m so excited to go to the pumpkin patch,” he begins sarcastically. “To spend 700% for a f*cking pumpkin that I can buy at the grocery store for $6 … then listen to the kids bitch and moan for two hours while we walk around.”

It’s posed as funny, and I’m sure plenty of us can relate on some level. (Ask me about my family’s moratorium on going to carnivals with our 10 year old…) But at the same time it feels a little icky, too, at least without any other context. And @BooksBeWild agrees, highlighting and articulating what some of us couldn’t put our finger on.

“I think more and more of us are realizing some men want the aesthetic of a family and kids but they don’t actually want to be married and have children,” she begins. “Can you imagine being a kid: you’re so excited to go to the pumpkin patch, you’re so excited to spend some time with your dad, and this is what he’s saying in the front seat?”

Later in the video, @BooksBeWild acknowledges that she can’t capture everything about a family dynamic from just one clip. Especially since the couple, who has an impressive following of almost 700,000, has to constantly keep coming up with new content, so it all could have been a bit for social media for all we know. The video, she says, is more a jumping off point to express the general idea that it seems lots of men are more interested in having a family, not really in participating in one.

“There’s a couple comments [on the original video] that this is every dad. No. This is not every dad,” she continues. “I grew up with a father who loved to spend time with his family. And I was just with my brother who also loves to spend time with his kids. He very excitedly took all three of his young children to the pumpkin patch … got the pumpkins, got all the fun fall food … took a bunch of pictures and made happy memories with his family.

“I really think more men should consider not getting married,” she says simply. “I don’t mean that as some sort of slight, but I feel like some of them don’t know there is an option where you don’t get married and you get to stay home, you do whatever you want, you play your video games, or whatever else it is that you are really interested in doing if you’re not interested in being a good husband and raising your children. … And women, before you get married and have children with somebody, really make sure he wants to be a father, [that] he wants the responsibility of being a father.”

Plenty of commenters could relate with this sentiment from unfortunate personal experience

“They want wives but they don’t want to be husbands,” reads the most liked comment on the video. Another, forebodingly warns,

“Later, when the kids are grown he’ll wonder why they don’t look back on all the ‘good times’ they had as fondly as he will when he gets old. We won’t remember everything but we can recall the energy.”

But fortunately, even more comments shared husbands, fathers, stepfathers, and grandfathers who always reveled in any time they could have with their kids.

“My step father saved every year to take us on vacation,” one person shared. “Never failed, he truly enjoyed being together. He still does! He lives across the street from me today.”

Family life, even under the best of circumstances, isn’t a fairy tale. There’s a variety of tantrums, ranging from toddler to teenager, whining, wheedling, and oh so much mess, both physical and emotional. But hopefully, for those of us who choose family life, it’s mostly great. Even in the less than picture-perfect moments we can (eventually) find a few laughs and no small amount of joy that makes you want to dive into it again tomorrow.