The idea that women become (or remain) combatively uninterested in sex after marriage has been perpetuated by decades of sitcoms and bad standup comedians. But even science seems to simply take the trope for granted a lot of the time, marketing no small amount of creams, pills, and couples therapies to combat this “lady problem.” But TikTok creator Sommer Tothill (@sommertothill) wants us to rethink why we simply take this “reality” for granted…

In a stitched video, a medical professional observes that her male patients frequently ask about their wives’ low libido, wondering if there are lab tests or medications that can help matters. This is where Tothill pops in to say her piece.

“Those men would rather believe that women are biologically wired to want sex less and that there must be some sort of scientific cure for it than to accept that perhaps they are just behaving in a fundamentally unf*ckable way.”

Say more, sis. Actually, first, let me grab some popcorn because I feel like this is going to be really good…

Tothill highlights studies that have found that women feel less desire when men aren’t doing their fair share of domestic labor.

“Their female partners start to see them as just another child to look after and that is not sexy,” she explains.

Tothill then goes on to dismantle some commonly held but deeply erroneous beliefs about women that would point to a “naturally” lower sex drive. Women get tired of their partners much faster than men tire of their female partners. Women aren’t any less visual than men, and women aren’t any less able to reach orgasm: when women masturbate (specifically clitoral stimulation) they “finish” in just about the same amount of time it takes a man.

“So if you’re a man upset that the women in your life has lost her sexual attraction to you, maybe you could look at the fact that you’ve probably become a domestically lazy additional child to her, you don’t get her off in bed, and you look like sh*t.”

Is this harsh? Yes. Do a lot of men really need to hear it, think about it, and internalize the message that they need to step up domestically and sexually? I mean…

“I told my ex that EXACT thing and he just didn’t get it,” one commenter (whose sentiments echo those of many others) laments.

“My ex-husband forced me to go to the doctor and accuse me of having sexual trauma when I had no interest in him for all those aforementioned reasons,” writes another (and please note, this is the second of many “ex” partners mentioned).

“The ONLY time men are interested in their wives’ health,” another observes wryly.

So gents, the next time you and the missus are in a rut and you don’t like it, maybe don’t wonder what’s wrong with her, but carefully think about how you’re fostering an atmosphere of f*ckability in the home.