In marriage, especially with kids, the frequency of sex is pretty fluid. Sometimes, you and your partner are back in the honeymoon phase, knocking boots left and right, and other times, you’re in a dry, dry sex drought.

Kids are exhausting. Life gets in the way. Sometimes, sex just is not a priority. And everyone’s sex drive and need for sex is different! Are people really having as much sex as they say, especially tired parents? What’s “normal” when it comes to sex frequency?

“If you are a mom and you have kids. I have a question for you. I would love just like a really honest answer because I need to know what’s normal, like what is happening, what’s on average normal? So my question to you is, if you’re a mom with kids, how often are you doing the deed? How often are you doing it? Like what’s normal? Because I have three kids and I’m exhausted, so I would just love to see the answers on this,” Ali Kay asked in her video.

I hope the answers on Kay’s TikTok gave her some relief because they run the gamut, ranging from once a week to once a month to every day!

“Sometimes once a month. sometimes 5 days a week. it varies based on 1000 factors 😂,” one user said.

“We are lucky if once or twice a month 😭😭😭,” another shared.

“Once MAYBE twice a month,” another wrote.

One user said, “Listen, we’ve been married 10 years, we have 4 kids. We’ve gone months without it at times. Right now it’s like every night. There are times in your life when it’s more than others.”

Another user replied, “We have 3 kids and do it multiple times a week most weeks. But I have a very hands on husband who helps with the kids and house works and we have an incredible relationship so that definitely helps.”

This is such an interesting point. If both parents are taking their share of the work —kids, house, pets, etc. — are they less exhausted? Is there more room for sex? This would definitely make sense in my book. When my husband is really doing the work, giving me space to recharge, and being an active partner, not only am I more attracted to him but I feel rested enough to do the deed!

For those wondering, according to an Archives of Sexual Behavior study, the typical American couple engages in sex 56 times a year. If we all do the simple math, that’s about once a week! Seems doable. Though, to be clear, to Kay’s point, there is no “normal” amount of times. We all ebb and flow when it comes to sex with our partners! And I think her comment section reflects that.