I don’t know if it’s that I’m a Xennial, the fact that Google can literally read my mind, or that AI might actually take over my job at some point, but the pace at which technology is advancing is kind of scaring the crap out of me. Even so, I know that, as a parent, the best thing I can do is prepare my kids (and myself) to have a healthy relationship with tech.

“As technology becomes an increasingly important part of our lives, it is critical that we set conditions for healthy technology use in our families,” says Richard Culatta, former director of the U.S. Department of Education’s Office of Educational Technology and author of Digital for Good — a framework that he says requires intentional and positive guidance and modeling from parents.

That might seem like a no-brainer, but for many parents, managing their own relationship with technology isn’t as easy as it may be for others. If you often find yourself glued to your phone or aimlessly scrolling through your social media accounts multiple times per day, you can probably relate. That’s where the modeling part comes in, and why it’s essential for the whole family, not just kids, to practice their digital well-being skills.

And, no, that doesn’t mean cutting the entire family off from technology and moving to a deserted island (although I am tempted). Rather, it means learning to use technology proactively and productively. Culatta says that following a positive approach, rather than a negative one full of no’s, is the most encouraging and sustainable way to prepare kids to be successful in a digital world.

In his book, Culatta focuses on five positive skills that parents and children should develop to maintain a thriving relationship with technology that families can utilize both as a starting point and for regular reference.

• Be balanced: Understand when and how much tech use is healthy. Balancing screentime with other fun and important activities and priorities makes stepping away from technology and avoiding technology addiction easier.
• Stay informed: Discern between true and false information. Technology can help increase curiosity, but parents must teach their kids that not everything they read or see is true and show them how to find credible sources.
• Be inclusive: Treat others with respect and kindness online. The same rules that apply to bullying in school apply online. Kids should develop awareness of unacceptable behavior (their own or others’) and know when to ask for help from an adult.
• Be engaged: Use tech to strengthen family relationships and community connections. Screentime can be a family or community activity (movies, games, research, etc.) that encourages engagement. Technology is also a useful tool in maintaining relationships with friends and family who live far away.
• Stay alert: Exercise caution and create safe digital spaces for others. Parents should educate their children on internet safety, and oversee their children’s screen time activities.

It’s also vital to remember that, though there exists a multitude of opinions and sobering statistics on the topic of screen time, the nature of digital advancement means that technology has and will continue to become a larger part of our everyday lives. And that means our contact with technology will often be outside our immediate control. Work- and school-related activities that require the use of screens are just one example.

Yet, Cullata reminds us, “Our collective responsibility lies in cultivating a generation of digital citizens who are not just tech consumers but thoughtful and active contributors who have practiced being upstanding members of a digital world.”

The point is that erasing technology from our family’s life isn’t realistic and probably isn’t the answer anyhow. Instead, it’s building and adhering to a positive framework for its use that will make all the difference in the effects that technology ultimately has on us, our families, and the global community.