I’m pretty sure when my parents talked to me about safety in the early ’90s, they were only thinking about unsafe situations I could encounter when I was away from them, newly navigating my way through the big, uncertain outside world. Once the streetlights came on and I was home, they could rest easy, assuming I was safe.
For kids and parents these days, things are a bit more complicated. Kids exploring the online world can find themselves in unsafe situations without ever leaving their rooms. Whether it’s dealing with strangers, encountering harmful content, or facing cyberbullying, kids today need a strong foundation of self-confidence so they can learn to trust their inner voice and make smart choices when they face tricky situations online.
Even toddlers can learn to make safe, smart choices. It’s a good idea to start empowering kids to trust their inner voice as early as possible! This practice is good for parents, too; it can help alleviate some anxiety that comes with parenting in this era of constant information.
Thankfully, experts are here to help. Dr. Lauren Loquasto, senior vice president and chief academic officer of The Goddard School, spoke to Scary Mommy to provide parents with six tips for raising toddlers, preschoolers, and big kids who listen to their instincts, leading to more self-confidence and safer experiences in today’s digital age.
1. Encourage Independence
Loquasto shares that in The Goddard School’s classrooms, children learn independence through inquiry-based learning, a child-led teaching method driven by the student’s own curiosity. You can use this principle at home to give your child a sense of autonomy and build the foundation of self-confidence.
“Start early in giving children room and space to make choices. Even toddlers should be given options to choose between A or B,” Loquasto says. Making decisions builds confidence that can help children apply decision-making skills to assess online risks.
2. Affirm Good Choices
When your kid makes a wise decision, affirm that choice! Explain why the outfit they chose is perfect for the weather or discuss the ways their chosen snack will help their body grow. “Take note of your child’s successes, acknowledge the situation and the child’s reaction to it, and point out the positive impact of the choice,” Loquasto says.
3. Teach Logical Consequences
Dr. Loquasto also encourages parents to let their children experience the natural, safe consequences of their less-than-perfect choices. “If a child made a less desirable choice that’s not unsafe, let the child experience the safe consequences of that choice,” she says. “For example, if your child insists on wearing their rain boots even though you know that this may make their feet hot, allow them to make the choice and cope through the logical, natural consequence.” Understanding the impact of their actions helps children better evaluate and navigate tricky situations down the road, both in real life and online.
4. Allow Your Child to Simply Play
The Goddard School’s Wonder of Learning education program presents an expectation for a child to truly learn, not simply complete a list of tasks. Various indoor and outdoor learning centers allow children to engage in discovery and imaginative play to learn concepts within the flexible framework of the curriculum.
“Unstructured play allows children to use their imaginations, critical thinking skills, social skills, and executive functioning skills to create their own play scenarios, devise rules of play, create play props, and use their own knowledge of the world around them to engage with others,” Loquasto says. This helps them develop critical thinking, social, and creative skills while learning to trust their instincts and make decisions on their own.
5. Support Self-Advocacy
Encourage your kids to solve problems independently and ask for help when needed. Role-playing different scenarios can help them practice these skills in a safe environment. For example, say to your child, “Sometimes when I feel like I’m not getting a turn, I say to my friend, ‘You’ve played with that toy a long time. It’s my turn now. Will you please share that with me?’” Then ask your child to practice with you. Say, “Pretend I’m a friend who isn’t sharing the beach ball. What could you say to me to remind me to share?”
Self-advocacy is a critical life skill, and by practicing with trusted adults, children can learn how to advocate for themselves and also to know to when seek help in the event they encounter an unsafe situation online.
6. Teach Digital Literacy By Playing Together
Most kids can learn to use technology easily, but they will not understand how to use it safely without intentional instruction. Loquasto explains that technology isn’t an ideal independent activity for young children. “It’s critically important that the use of technology be taught along with safety and responsibility,” she says.
Parents should install age-appropriate apps and use parental controls, but there is no substitute for your presence. By engaging in technology together, parents can guide children in recognizing unsafe online behaviors and instill the confidence that will allow their child to ask for help when an online situation arises.
Loquasto knows that building a foundation of self-confidence allows children to navigate the digital world safely and confidently, which is why The Goddard School’s Wonder of Learning education program focuses on child-centered learning through play. Fostering creativity, responsibility, and independence is the key to ensuring kids are well-equipped to trust their instincts both online and offline.
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